socially awkward...

as i spend more time at work than i do in social settings, i have noticed that i am not as adept as i once was in the usual social situations. it has gotten to the point where i think i might have a bit of social anxiety. it's not entirely my fault...i think that medical school and residency makes you somewhat socially awkward. you're just not as good at talking about non-medical stuff anymore. i used to be more well-rounded prior to all this doctoring business.

one example is that a few weeks ago, i went out with some friends to a bar to go dancing. fun night...fun friends...not people that i feel awkward with at all. but i was approached by a guy who (i guess) was trying to pick me up. he used the "can i buy you a drink?" line. and my response was...drum roll, please..."i already have a drink." not that i would have married the guy, but i feel sort of like baby on dirty dancing..."i carried a watermelon?"

i went to a church group tonight on the south side of richmond, and i was trying to tell my friend alicia that i was a little scared about it. then i thought about it when i got home and realized how stupid i'm being. why do i care what people think about me? and why do i think that they're thinking about me anyway? i'm selfish/self-centered. i'm praying that God will help me look beyond myself to do the work He has for me.

again...

so, it's been a while since i've written anything, but several of my friends here in richmond are avid bloggers (alicia, daniel, keila, brent, anne, dave...just to name a few). i decided to try it out again, but honestly haven't thought of much to say. i usually like to write novels. i'd like to summarize the year but don't know how to begin. i'd like to say that my life is dandy but am not sure if that's the truth. i can say i'm sure that God has me in richmond for a purpose, but i can't say that i'm all that happy about it at times. and i still long for Home. i'm not sure if i will ever call this place home, or if i even have a home at this point. i feel like i'm wandering...and this nomadic life is hard. i struggle sometimes to catch my breath and am trying to see what God is doing or where he is leading, but i can't see the cloud or the fire, and i can't taste the manna. and what's scaring me most of all is that i am not trusting that He is taking care of me.